Do you know those instances when words fail you and your actions do not speak for yourself? You feel horribly misrepresented and not even the best bonking in the world can make it fo away. I'm listening to Marques Houston's Sex With You. Lyrics that can make  a girl cry.... and bonkable. Tears. Womenly tears. The more tears a girl sheds, the easier it is to get her into bed. Naughty girl, go to my room.

There's nothing left to write or say.
There's nothing left to feel or express.

It's like standing at the top of the highest mountain in the universe with nowhere else to go and acrophobia your only companion. Who else to turn to if not the sky? Let them mock, you say, I can still jump over them, you think. Maybe it would be easier to just jump down. And hit the ground. Ker-splat. Thunk. Let the body pieces roll off your body as you watch the snowy ground get dyed with blood.

Maybe acrophobia was, the only companion.

The one that you forsook.

---

I know a lot of you guys out there are desperately single. I know how you are an absolute failure at getting chicks. Assuming of course, chicks actually crank your gear.

 

You see this hot chick walking your way. She's hot. She makes you go vavavoom. You absolutely must have her underneath your crotch.

She's getting nearer.
What do you do now?

Do you attempt eye contact?
Do you smile at her, hoping she'll return it?
Do you just stop abruptly, forcing her to stop AND suddenly hit her with questions?

 

You have to decide now.

Every second you spend brings her closer.
So close, she may even hear your heart beat.
So close, she may even veer away from you thanks to that horrendous BO.

 

She's getting neaaaarerrrrr.
Watcha gonna do now punk?

Punk out?

 

She just walked past you. Somewhere behind you.
You still have time to talk to her you know.

 

But wait,that would make you look like a dork. Turning around JUST to talk to her. It's very unmanly. It's the pinnacle of testosterone loss. It's so unmanly Boy George gets the say on how to whoop/kick/lick your ass. So unmanly, you'll have to sit down to pee and hope it doesn't hit the edge of your pants. And deal with bloody PMSes. So unmanly, if I were to stand you right next to Pee Wee Herman and ask a group of kindergartners to pick the manlier man, 10 times out of 10 they'll pick Pee Wee Herman and throw stuffs at you. Bad stuffs.

 

Scared?

Don't worry. I'll help you.

Here's what you HAVE to do.

Turn around.

Yes but trust me when I say it's not what you think.
Just turn around.

 

Turn around and GRAB her shoulders.
Pull her down to the floor and make love to her like a real man should.

Congratulations.
She's one orgasm happier now.

 

But is she the ONE?
Is she a GOOD woman?

Dude, seriously.
If you want a future with that girl, you're going to have to know her first.
You have to know if she has THE qualities to be the one.

Here's my checklist for a good woman.
It is made by me and therefore extremely authoritative; feel free to kick the freaking authoritah out of anyone who says otherwise.

A GOOD woman must:

-be a good cook and provides good home meals
-occasionally eats outside with you for a treat
-treats the elderly with respect
-takes good care of your kids. All of them.
-have a good head on her shoulders
-laughs with you, at your jokes
-be a good conversationalist
-be of sound mind and able to think as one
-knows how to make you feel good
-knows how to give and take
-stay with you until the end

Think she's a GOOD woman now?
In fairness' sake, a lot of people fit my list.
Still think she's t3h one?

Allow me then to show you what a SUPERB woman is like.
Now, a SUPERB woman must:

-be a good meal at home or anywhere else
-occasionally eats you out
-treats the elderly with respect
-takes good care of your 'kids'. All one billion of them.
-know how to have her head between her knees
-while we're on that subject, gives good head.
-giggles at your 'jokes'
-be a good onomatopoeia dictionary
-makes a lot of sound when she's having one of mine
-knows how to make you feel good
-swallows.
-knows how to GIVE and TAKE. ;)
-makes you stay until the end

 

So yeah, that's the penultimate list.
Hope it helps you losers.

Maybe if I'm feeling very nice, I'll even help you pick up chicks.

---

How much would you pay for peace of mind?

Boiling down all of the world's offerings, one can generally assess that 'peace of mind' is the ultimate currency in life. Almost any purchase made will have that very faint link back to 'peace of mind'. So why then, do we hold on to things that will never give you your peace of mind? Why can't we just let go? What's so hard about letting go?

Letting go?

Or pretending that you've already let go?

It's like hyperreal finance that you can't get even when you're on certain levels of divination. Like mixing oil and water. Like astral projection on RTM.

What if surrealism was the key to hyperrealism?

What if the 'the key' itself is a a concoction of lies we tell travelers on this journey of peace of mind, never even knowing what it actually means?

It's just like one fucking big Mobius strip?

---

Me. A cold drink. A cool shade.

Him. The sky. The hot sun.


Pockets of civilization that modernization and development accidentally forgot can be quite frustrating at times. It makes you wonder what the hell is wrong. It makes you wonder if there's even anyone out there trying to do anything for the ones who never caught on to the moving train.

As I contemplated what was wrong, a little boy went up to the old man with a can of carbonated drink. And before you can even say anything else, he gave it to the old man. The poor wretched soul could only smile from under his large straw hat, the one that can barely cover his holey shirt.


It was only then I realized what went wrong.

Mankind's ability to put itself in the impartial shoes of an observer can, at times, lead to them doing just that - remain an observer.

This boy, he did something.






Yes, I miss the old color scheme.

I'm currently giving Slayers another go.

Episode 2, at about 14:49 when Lina Inverse is pretending to be someone else but the bandit magician quickly exposes her identity as the one who stole THEIR treasure, I am VERY VERY sure she said this:

"Alamak."

It's nothing big but hell it's cute.

Look at you.

Playing God again?


You know, I don't remember dying and making you king in my place.
So who exactly gave you the right to decide things for ME?

Okay, fine. You do what you want.
I'm tired of playing catcher here for you and I'm pretty sure just about everyone else feels the same way too.

If you feel you have to go, then




I'm almost there. Almost catching up to him.
The sheer awesomeness of life itself awaits me.

But you, you're still an attention-whore.


You can never be as good as I am.


I am the Alpha.



And that's a fact. [cue cool guitar riff]

How long has it been?

2 months? 3 months?

The clock ticks slowly, a brief reminder of the passage of time. Amy Mastura's song suddenly comes to mind and a day feels like a year. So if it was 2 months, give or take 28 days - it's been 28 years since I last saw you.

I know.
We have to move on.

I can't afford to keep on missing you like I always do.
But mornings just feel different without you.

It's like Koko Krunch without the milk.

Sure, it works but the feeling that something is missing... it'll always be there.

Maybe we'll keep moving on this path that we made. I made.
Not that it matters who anyhow.

Because life goes on.

And so, let it be known today that I will carry on, head up high.

So what if I haven't had my roti canai?
There's always tuna crepe/butter croissants for breakfast.

Move on. Must move on.

Farewell, roti canai.

This quiz is ridiculously unfair!

There Are 2 Gaps in Your Knowledge

Where you have gaps in your knowledge: Literature Art Where you don't have gaps in your knowledge: Philosophy Religion Economics History Science

There's no way I can have a gap in my knowledge!
I am omniscient!!

*storms off in disgust*

Pure coincidence with the number, I assure you.

Now, today is a very shitty day but I told myself that today will be a brand new day with a brand new attitude. So allow me to rephrase - today is NOT a shitty day. Today is one of those days you pray for pianos.

I hate convocations.
Well, basically I hate crowds and people but convocations (and night markets) are definitely not my favorite. Why, you may ask? Why, on such a glorious day must one be as gloomy as you are? Simple, my friend. In no necessary order:


Reason #1: Hordes of slow-moving pain in the ass.
- Slow-walking people are a MAJOR annoyance in my books. I'll be honest when I say I honestly want to punch everyone in the back of their heads for walking like a rhinoceros, backwards. Not that I know if they can actually do that but I can't think of anything else that could be any slower than rhinoceros backing up... other than a paraplegic cat playing bait for greyhound racing. But I admit, the latter is much more interesting to watch.

Reason #2: Stupid parents.
- Yes, stupid parents. I am seriously thankful to God that you have someone graduating in your family. I can't imagine what it would be like if there was an excessive saturation in the gene pool on your side. I'm talking about parents who fucking doublepark at the faculties. The ones who don't understand what 'Jalan Sehala' means. The ones who break every rule of traffic possible just to be there, annoying my ass off. Fuck, I can't even get into the office. Which is actually a good reason to slack off but I'm too honorable for that.

Reason #3: Stupid friends.
- Basically an extension from the gene pool of stupidity. The usual suspects who not only double-park, but also do stupid things like taking group photographs in front on main entrances/exits. One of the main reasons for obtrusively huge human traffic. Coupled with antics such as gift-spamming, they work best with Reason #2 and #1 to make days such as these a drag.

Reason #4: Unscrupulous merchants.
- 'Nuff said.

Reason #5: Traffic crawl.
- Obviously.

Now I could go on and on but just thinking about idiots make me realize just how much of a genius I really am. And for that, I suppose I should be thankful.



NOT.

I hope all of you bastards get a piano drop on the head.

I want a pole-dancer for my graduation.

A very long queue.

I tried to keep my distance from him but even his gaze seemed to creep into my personal space. Using my mental powers of discrimination, I tried to sweep his gaze off towards the mirror in front of us.




It didn't work.
All the nights spent awake has somehow weakened my powers.

I am no different than a kitten in a cupboard right now.





As he looked at my reflection in the mirror, a very uneasy feeling crept into the fibers of my soul. The same kind you get when someone is undressing you with their eyes. Not that I'm not used to it, but coming from certain people, it is a compliment. I glanced at the mirror with the corner of my eye, trying to remain as inconspicuous as I can. He was still looking at me.






This does not bode well.

"So, uhh... you come here often?"



I replied with a shrug and disinterested look on my face.

"They should make this place more lively... add pictures or something," he continued.



The door behind me opens suddenly.

As its lone occupant leaves the stall, I knew this was my chance - I dashed quickly inside with the hopes of never even having to see his face ever again.


I don't know about you, but guys who chat up other guys in a public restroom are just plain creepy.


Something for the ladies:
- No form of conversation is allowed in the gents.
- Eye contact can only be made ONCE in the 5 minutes that you spend inside, and only to let the other person know that it's your turn to use the urinal/stall.
- Answering phone calls in the gents = WRONG.
- Usage is based on first come, first serve basis except for dire situations (usually on certain mamak nights).
- Touching ANY part of another man in the gents, whether accidental or not, is a severe crime punishable only with a piano drop on the head due to its heinous nature.
- In the event that a certain bodily orifice produces socially-undesirable sounds, leave the room ASAP if you were using the urinals. Or in the case of stalls, wait until the coast is clear before leaving.
- In the unlikely, UNFORTUNATE event of seeing 'something that you should not see', JUST BLOODY LEAVE.
- If somebody sees you walking into the restroom, do not leave until said somebody is not around to see you exit. Exiting the restroom means no one must see you do it.



I use the stall because a lot of people get intimidated of my 'properties'.

Tagged by RuRu!
Ouch.

Rules:
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a post of their own 15 weirdthings/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tag backs!!

My 15 weird things/habits/little known facts:

1. I used to collect shoe boxes.
2. I may order Neslo Ais all the time, but before that I actually started out with Nescafe before moving on to Milo.
3. I don't celebrate my big days but I celebrate others'.
4. I always spin my plate around to find the best angle for eating.
5. Driving out in the morning, I roll down the windows. They go back up once I reach the bus stop near my place.
6. I used to be very active in sports, and sadly enough my body still craves for it.
7. I am actually a very quiet person.
8. I love those glass trinkets and anything metallic in nature. All plain and transparent, feels so much like looking at myself.
9. I don't utter obscenities in front of girls.
10. I'm alone most of the time, even when I'm in a crowd.
11. I hate people with no backbones.
12. Despite my vicious and aggressive nature, I actually like cute little children. For breakfast.
13. I am very predictable but no one understands me. 
14. I never break a promise because I take them very seriously. The reason you don't see me making a promise very often.
15. If you get in the same car with me and I turn on the radio, it either means I don't feel like talking or you are a very boring person.


Tagged victims:
Anyone who feels like doing this, cos I'm feeling generously shitty right now.

You know you really need to catch up on your sleep when you're seeing things like this:


I swear, I DID see that.

For the past few months, my sleeping hours have been very irregular.
I go to bed at 4am and haul my ass off to work around 8/9.
I spend most of the day feeling not only lethargic but dumber.

Now that the fasting month is here, I go to bed at 6.

Sleeping things off during the weekends doesn't seem to work either.

I wonder what's wrong but my brain doesn't seem to work the way it used to.
So we are left here without answers, and that sucks big floppy donkey dick.


I was driving back home in a slight drizzle around 4pm or so when I came to this one curving bend on the way home. It was about 200 meters after a traffic light, so the most common thing people do here is to speed up until you reach the next traffic light.

Before I even hit the century mark, I had to stop.

There it was in the middle of the left lane, a very small kitten - probably paralyzed with fear, too. Making sure that there are no other cars behind me (the nearest one was about 300 meters away), I changed lanes and went back on my way home.

As I was about to exit the area, I stole a quick glance in the rear view mirror.

The kitten was still there, and other cars were avoiding it. Some barely.

I reached home and as I changed into something more comfortable (naughty glance), I started to wonder about the kitten. I am an avid cat-hating bitch, and there I was worried about one stupid cat stuck in traffic.

So I did something out of character.

I drove back out and saw the kitten still there.

It was something that would have made many proud as proof of kindness and humanity as I ran across the street, scooped the wet kitten up and kicked the little wuss over to the other side of the road, where it landed in the bushes.


The kitten is safe  from the evil traffic now.


I am very happy today because I just did a random act of kindness.
I still am, actually. :D


Perhaps sometimes life does that to you.

Perhaps there are times when you feel like a lost kitten caught in heavy traffic, and you are too scared to run away because the cars are just too fast to dodge. And maybe it feels like you should just sit there and wait for a car to just run you over and
put you out of whatever you're feeling. There are times when you just feel down and out and there's nothing you can do about it... until someone else comes along. What if someone never does? The thing about the human eye, we only see what is in front of us. Often, we miss out on the ones beside/behind us. Maybe then, that little wet, miserable kitten lying in the middle of the road won't have to feel so afraid... if only someone would be kind enough to ask why.

It makes me wonder what happened to us and why aren't we kind enough to each other, especially ourselves.

Ramadhan.

The fasting month brings many things.

A month to contemplate your blessings, among many others, if you so choose to revel in it. Good things and holy things aside, I notice people are still people… behavior-wise.

 

A good stroll past the bazaar hours reveal lots of plastic bags and god knows what else all around… only to be miraculously cleaned up by the local council the next morning.

Seeing people walk back from the bazaar with tons of plastic bags straddled on each finger – it's almost disgusting. No, really. I haven't even started with the cockroaches and rats that fester the sites at night.

Seriously, there are far too many plastic bags in active circulation and not many people are doing anything about it except bring more plastic bags home (lots of variables to consider here but let us not be pedantic at 3am).

Question: Do you even need that much?

 

Can't we at least reduce?

Is it so hard to say, "Put it in this bag of mine"?

 

A friend recently had her status elevated to Maxis Loser.

 

Yes, Loser.

 

The only beef I have with Maxis would be the NUMEROUS numbers of spam/god-knows-what-else-you-can-call-them text messages with messages such as:

"Wanna see my latest action with a huge arabic man? Send YYYYY to XXXX for more!"

"Saksikan aksi rempit terbaru!"

 

And for a touch of Ramadhan,

"Salam. Selamat menyambut Ramadhan! Singgahlah di gerai nasi arab kakak saya di Bazar Ramadhan PKNS. Alang-alang dah singgah beli la sekali. Ayam, kambing pun ada. Jemputlah ya."

 

I refuse to subscribe to whatever shit you have for me.

I AM RACIST AND I HATE EVERYONE FROM THE HUMAN RACE SUCH AS YOU [IDIOTS].

 

So Maxis... unintelligible crappings aside, why fo I keep on receiving all these shit?

Is it an evil tactic administered by your healthy competitors, or is this part of what you call open market? Oh, I hear my Digi friends don't have this problem much... so why, maxis? Why? I'm loyal, aren't I?

###

 

Streamyx? Slow, as usual.

I need to find my old cartoons.

 

Someone deserves a piano drop on the head. Someone by the name of TM(nuts).

 

And oh, some of my friends have been complaining about their Maxis broadband lines too, so stop snickering you Maxis losers.

###

 

Life moves on at a very slow pace.

 

In between refreshing facebook every 2 minutes for some 'action' (sad pathetic life. I know), working, studying AND being mind-fucked, nothing new from this man except to wonder - even with our nifty gadgets and all the scientific knowledge we can muster, why is it so easy to open cans, bottles, legs and the likes but it remains so hard to open the human eye and heart.

 

These eyes are open but the ones they're supposed to see won't look back.

###

 

The most horrible line I saw today in an anime: By protagonist in reference to a girl's rabbit teeth. Cue hazy dream-like sequence and sounds of awe and splendor coming from protagonist as he said, "Those front teeth look like they'll melt, they're so passionate they remind me of the Carribbean sea!"

 

Almost as shocking as seeing breasts getting slashed and cut up with a ninja blade.

Now, I'm going to kick myself in the head for even imagining that.

Ciao.

 

Life is a drag, and it's leaving tracks all over me. *kick*