Groucho Mucho

#31: Like a fork to my ass

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:50:52 GMT

Blogrolling is back.

Yeay!

I'm back. Maybe. Who knows?

I sure don't.

Let's talk about something.

How about people?
We haven't done that in quite a while.
The Holier Than Thou attitude is probably still around. Probably.

....

....

So I say but it does get old pretty quick, doesn't it?

My mind is an empty fishing net, and I'm plankton-hunting.

I need a piano.

Life's pretty funny.

For a very big part of my life, I have always considered time as one of my biggest enemy.

Time, never enough for me.
I seem to spend the days with shorter hours as I find more and more things to do. Things that urgently require my undivided attention. A bit impossible to achieve when you only have 8 hours in a day. Not meant to be taken literally but I hope you have enough mental capacity to understand what I'm trying to say.

Time, never right for me.
Yup. Me and time, we have a working relationship. Actually, it's more of a NOT-WORKING-AT-ALL-SO-WHY-ARE-WE-TRYING kind of relationship. I used to think I have everything planned out. All that was left to do is just wait for it to happen. It never happened because I was waiting for the right circumstances.

It's just wrong that way.

It'll never work because you have to make it happen. Somehow. One way or another.

It sometimes feels like being a bad sniper. Target in my sights, and yet, I can't even graze the paint chip off the wall behind him. If it wasn't for physics, I probably still can't hit the ground. Feels like something amiss, and when you spend some time thinking about it, it's because you were waiting for the right conditions. You can't really expect things to work out on its own... right?

Time, never kind to me.
I look in the mirror and I see wrinkles under my eyes. I used to think they were just eyebags from lack of sleep but time has once again proven that it has the one-upper on me. I look at my body and see that I have lost quite some muscles. I may still be thin, but I am not as lean. Time is dragging my body down, and I am finally starting to see its effects. Seeing a white clump of hair fall off my head during my last haircut certainly didn't help.

I just don't like this aging thing. Never did. I'm hitting the third decade soon enough and I still can't come to terms with myself. I had everything planned right. So what happened?

It's even worse as you see everyone else around you getting dragged down by that aging effect. What used to be easy like climbing up a flight of stairs soon turn into a mini hell for some. I see people struggle with their newfound weaknesses and think, it'll be me next.

Let's not even talk about dreams.

Time, never ending.
You grow older, not-necessarily-wiser but definitely less angsty and do you have to say about life?

Nothing.

It's like watching reruns of Mr.Bean on TV.

You've seen it so many times but every time you watch an episode is like watching it for the first time. You think you would have been better. You think you know what's going to happen next. Of course it doesn't because time likes to do that to you. Makes you think that you are in control, and WHAM!

Time lets you know who's the boss.

Time has never been kind to me, so why should I be kind to Time, indeed?

Maybe because there's nothing left to choose.

And there is nothing more reassuring than the illusion of choice.

#30: oh dammit wtf

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:38:35 GMT

I really want to update my blog links.
I hope blogrolling can pick up the pace before I *gasp!* write out the links myself!
Or subscribe to a different service provider.

Oh fuck, RSS is just as good... so why bother?

Because I can.

###

SPOILER WARNING

This note may contain spoilers for the movie Inkheart.
Do not read if you are one of those fussy bastards who care about these sort of things.

SPOILER WARNING

###

Inkheart.

This movie is about a bookbinder named Mo (played by Brendan Fraser) who travels from place to place in search of a book. Now, Mo is not your average bookbinder (as can be evidently seen by the fact he's a major focus point in the movie... but hey, I'm no Spielberg. Oh wait, I'm watching this in a cinema! I'm sure he can do something else too!) because by reading things out loud, he can bring stuffs from inside the book to life. In this world, they're called Silvertongue.

I'm not exactly sure but I think ladies prefer diamonds and gold.

Anyway, back to Silvertongue.

Now, not exactly the kind of power most of us adrenaline-charged, macho type guys would ever want. Most of us would just prefer powers that induce random wanton destruction like the ability to lift 1-ton trucks with the bat of an eye, or shooting laser beams out of your nostrils. Practically any 'cool' power that can also impress the ladies with (with the exception of William, who have always wanted to be like Invisible Woman, and I still don't know what he meant by that).

Uhhh.. back to Inkheart. The reason they've been traveling turns out to be: in search of the book Inkheart which can bring his wife back.

Wait wait wait.
Back from where?

Damn, you lousy reviewer, you.

Bringing things into the real world comes with a price (not of the economic sort) - when something comes out from the book into the real world, its place will be taken by a person in the real world. So here's the thing - Mr. Silvertongue read out loud, lost his wife, and is now looking for a way to bring her back. Along the way they meet new friends, new enemies, new plotholes bla bla bla the works, all leading up to the final showdown with the evil baddy.

Towards the end, as the story begins to hit that high note, and everyone was riding that wave of excitement as the baddies get knocked off one by one, I realized something.

I like happy endings.

The world becomes a better place, and everyone becomes happier.
I think I almost cried. Almost.

As we left the cinema, a sudden sense of trepidation crept up on me.

Damn.

I know this feeling.

It's the one I get every time I have a question. I may not know what the question is, but you can just feel it forming up in the back of your head like quick-dry foam in Grim Fandango.

And so, without even thinking, I opened my mouth:

Guys... I was just wondering."

Everyone turned around to look at me.

"What do you think will happen if he read out The Kama Sutra?"

I'm not exactly sure why but I am certain there's this part of me that suddenly wants to be a Silvertongue.

#29: I wish I knew more chiral snakes

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:57:39 GMT

Funny Demotivational Posters

Do you know those instances when words fail you and your actions do not speak for yourself? You feel horribly misrepresented and not even the best bonking in the world can make it fo away. I'm listening to Marques Houston's Sex With You. Lyrics that can make a girl cry.... and bonkable. Tears. Womenly tears. The more tears a girl sheds, the easier it is to get her into bed. Naughty girl, go to my room.

There's nothing left to write or say.
There's nothing left to feel or express.

It's like standing at the top of the highest mountain in the universe with nowhere else to go and acrophobia your only companion. Who else to turn to if not the sky? Let them mock, you say, I can still jump over them, you think. Maybe it would be easier to just jump down. And hit the ground. Ker-splat. Thunk. Let the body pieces roll off your body as you watch the snowy ground get dyed with blood.

Maybe acrophobia was, the only companion.

The one that you forsook.

I know a lot of you guys out there are desperately single. I know how you are an absolute failure at getting chicks. Assuming of course, chicks actually crank your gear.

You see this hot chick walking your way. She's hot. She makes you go vavavoom. You absolutely must have her underneath your crotch.

She's getting nearer.
What do you do now?

Do you attempt eye contact?
Do you smile at her, hoping she'll return it?
Do you just stop abruptly, forcing her to stop AND suddenly hit her with questions?

You have to decide now.

Every second you spend brings her closer.
So close, she may even hear your heart beat.
So close, she may even veer away from you thanks to that horrendous BO.

She's getting neaaaarerrrrr.
Watcha gonna do now punk?

Punk out?

She just walked past you. Somewhere behind you.
You still have time to talk to her you know.

But wait,that would make you look like a dork. Turning around JUST to talk to her. It's very unmanly. It's the pinnacle of testosterone loss. It's so unmanly Boy George gets the say on how to whoop/kick/lick your ass. So unmanly, you'll have to sit down to pee and hope it doesn't hit the edge of your pants. And deal with bloody PMSes. So unmanly, if I were to stand you right next to Pee Wee Herman and ask a group of kindergartners to pick the manlier man, 10 times out of 10 they'll pick Pee Wee Herman and throw stuffs at you. Bad stuffs.

Scared?

Don't worry. I'll help you.

Here's what you HAVE to do.

Turn around.

Yes but trust me when I say it's not what you think.
Just turn around.

Turn around and GRAB her shoulders.
Pull her down to the floor and make love to her like a real man should.

Congratulations.
She's one orgasm happier now.

But is she the ONE?
Is she a GOOD woman?

Dude, seriously.
If you want a future with that girl, you're going to have to know her first.
You have to know if she has THE qualities to be the one.

Here's my checklist for a good woman.
It is made by me and therefore extremely authoritative; feel free to kick the freaking authoritah out of anyone who says otherwise.

A GOOD woman must:

-be a good cook and provides good home meals
-occasionally eats outside with you for a treat
-treats the elderly with respect
-takes good care of your kids. All of them.
-have a good head on her shoulders
-laughs with you, at your jokes
-be a good conversationalist
-be of sound mind and able to think as one
-knows how to make you feel good
-knows how to give and take
-stay with you until the end

Think she's a GOOD woman now?
In fairness' sake, a lot of people fit my list.
Still think she's t3h one?

Allow me then to show you what a SUPERB woman is like.
Now, a SUPERB woman must:

-be a good meal at home or anywhere else
-occasionally eats you out
-treats the elderly with respect
-takes good care of your 'kids'. All one billion of them.
-know how to have her head between her knees
-while we're on that subject, gives good head.
-giggles at your 'jokes'
-be a good onomatopoeia dictionary
-makes a lot of sound when she's having one of mine
-knows how to make you feel good
-swallows.
-knows how to GIVE and TAKE. ;)
-makes you stay until the end

So yeah, that's the penultimate list.
Hope it helps you losers.

Maybe if I'm feeling very nice, I'll even help you pick up chicks.

How much would you pay for peace of mind?

Boiling down all of the world's offerings, one can generally assess that 'peace of mind' is the ultimate currency in life. Almost any purchase made will have that very faint link back to 'peace of mind'. So why then, do we hold on to things that will never give you your peace of mind? Why can't we just let go? What's so hard about letting go?

Letting go?

Or pretending that you've already let go?

It's like hyperreal finance that you can't get even when you're on certain levels of divination. Like mixing oil and water. Like astral projection on RTM.

What if surrealism was the key to hyperrealism?

What if the 'the key' itself is a a concoction of lies we tell travelers on this journey of peace of mind, never even knowing what it actually means?

It's just like one fucking big Mobius strip?

Me. A cold drink. A cool shade.

Him. The sky. The hot sun.

Pockets of civilization that modernization and development accidentally forgot can be quite frustrating at times. It makes you wonder what the hell is wrong. It makes you wonder if there's even anyone out there trying to do anything for the ones who never caught on to the moving train.

As I contemplated what was wrong, a little boy went up to the old man with a can of carbonated drink. And before you can even say anything else, he gave it to the old man. The poor wretched soul could only smile from under his large straw hat, the one that can barely cover his holey shirt.

Ah.

It was only then I realized what went wrong.

Mankind's ability to put itself in the impartial shoes of an observer can, at times, lead to them doing just that - remain an observer.

This boy, he did something.

So that's where I went wrong.

Yes, I miss the old color scheme.

Intermission

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 08:23:40 GMT

I'm currently giving Slayers another go.

Episode 2, at about 14:49 when Lina Inverse is pretending to be someone else but the bandit magician quickly exposes her identity as the one who stole THEIR treasure, I am VERY VERY sure she said this:

"Alamak."

It's nothing big but hell it's cute.

#28: I like big butts and I cannot lie

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 08:28:28 GMT

Look at you.

Playing God again?

You know, I don't remember dying and making you king in my place.
So who exactly gave you the right to decide things for ME?

Okay, fine. You do what you want.
I'm tired of playing catcher here for you and I'm pretty sure just about everyone else feels the same way too.

If you feel you have to go, then

don't go away mad

just go away

I'm almost there. Almost catching up to him.
The sheer awesomeness of life itself awaits me.

But you, you're still an attention-whore.

You can never be as good as I am.

I am the Alpha.

And that's a fact. [cue cool guitar riff]

#27: It's just different

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 02:42:31 GMT

How long has it been?

2 months? 3 months?

The clock ticks slowly, a brief reminder of the passage of time. Amy Mastura's song suddenly comes to mind and a day feels like a year. So if it was 2 months, give or take 28 days - it's been 28 years since I last saw you.

I know.
We have to move on.

I can't afford to keep on missing you like I always do.
But mornings just feel different without you.

It's like Koko Krunch without the milk.

Sure, it works but the feeling that something is missing... it'll always be there.

Maybe we'll keep moving on this path that we made. I made.
Not that it matters who anyhow.

Because life goes on.

And so, let it be known today that I will carry on, head up high.

So what if I haven't had my roti canai?
There's always tuna crepe/butter croissants for breakfast.

Move on. Must move on.

Farewell, roti canai.

Intermission

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 06:08:47 GMT

This quiz is ridiculously unfair!

There Are 2 Gaps in Your Knowledge

Where you have gaps in your knowledge:

Literature
Art

Where you don't have gaps in your knowledge:

Philosophy
Religion
Economics
History
Science

Do You Have Gaps in Your Knowledge?

There's no way I can have a gap in my knowledge!
I am omniscient!!

*storms off in disgust*

#26: Pure coincidence, I assure you.

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:46:47 GMT

Pure coincidence with the number, I assure you.

Now, today is a very shitty day but I told myself that today will be a brand new day with a brand new attitude. So allow me to rephrase - today is NOT a shitty day. Today is one of those days you pray for pianos.

I hate convocations.
Well, basically I hate crowds and people but convocations (and night markets) are definitely not my favorite. Why, you may ask? Why, on such a glorious day must one be as gloomy as you are? Simple, my friend. In no necessary order:

Reason #1: Hordes of slow-moving pain in the ass.
- Slow-walking people are a MAJOR annoyance in my books. I'll be honest when I say I honestly want to punch everyone in the back of their heads for walking like a rhinoceros, backwards. Not that I know if they can actually do that but I can't think of anything else that could be any slower than rhinoceros backing up... other than a paraplegic cat playing bait for greyhound racing. But I admit, the latter is much more interesting to watch.

Reason #2: Stupid parents.
- Yes, stupid parents. I am seriously thankful to God that you have someone graduating in your family. I can't imagine what it would be like if there was an excessive saturation in the gene pool on your side. I'm talking about parents who fucking doublepark at the faculties. The ones who don't understand what 'Jalan Sehala' means. The ones who break every rule of traffic possible just to be there, annoying my ass off. Fuck, I can't even get into the office. Which is actually a good reason to slack off but I'm too honorable for that.

Reason #3: Stupid friends.
- Basically an extension from the gene pool of stupidity. The usual suspects who not only double-park, but also do stupid things like taking group photographs in front on main entrances/exits. One of the main reasons for obtrusively huge human traffic. Coupled with antics such as gift-spamming, they work best with Reason #2 and #1 to make days such as these a drag.

Reason #4: Unscrupulous merchants.
- 'Nuff said.

Reason #5: Traffic crawl.
- Obviously.

Now I could go on and on but just thinking about idiots make me realize just how much of a genius I really am. And for that, I suppose I should be thankful.

NOT.

I hope all of you bastards get a piano drop on the head.

I want a pole-dancer for my graduation.

#25: Violated.

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 18:47:06 GMT

A very long queue.

I tried to keep my distance from him but even his gaze seemed to creep into my personal space. Using my mental powers of discrimination, I tried to sweep his gaze off towards the mirror in front of us.

*sweep sweep*

It didn't work.
All the nights spent awake has somehow weakened my powers.

I am no different than a kitten in a cupboard right now.

Shit shit shit.

As he looked at my reflection in the mirror, a very uneasy feeling crept into the fibers of my soul. The same kind you get when someone is undressing you with their eyes. Not that I'm not used to it, but coming from certain people, it is a compliment. I glanced at the mirror with the corner of my eye, trying to remain as inconspicuous as I can. He was still looking at me.

Shit.

This does not bode well.

"So, uhh... you come here often?"

OH FUCK. ANYTHING BUT THAT.

I replied with a shrug and disinterested look on my face.

"They should make this place more lively... add pictures or something," he continued.

Deargoddeargodmakehimgoawayplsplsplspls

The door behind me opens suddenly.

As its lone occupant leaves the stall, I knew this was my chance - I dashed quickly inside with the hopes of never even having to see his face ever again.

I don't know about you, but guys who chat up other guys in a public restroom are just plain creepy.

Something for the ladies:
- No form of conversation is allowed in the gents.
- Eye contact can only be made ONCE in the 5 minutes that you spend inside, and only to let the other person know that it's your turn to use the urinal/stall.
- Answering phone calls in the gents = WRONG.
- Usage is based on first come, first serve basis except for dire situations (usually on certain mamak nights).
- Touching ANY part of another man in the gents, whether accidental or not, is a severe crime punishable only with a piano drop on the head due to its heinous nature.
- In the event that a certain bodily orifice produces socially-undesirable sounds, leave the room ASAP if you were using the urinals. Or in the case of stalls, wait until the coast is clear before leaving.
- In the unlikely, UNFORTUNATE event of seeing 'something that you should not see', JUST BLOODY LEAVE.
- If somebody sees you walking into the restroom, do not leave until said somebody is not around to see you exit. Exiting the restroom means no one must see you do it.

I use the stall because a lot of people get intimidated of my 'properties'.

#24: Tag, You're IT

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:05:59 GMT

Tagged by RuRu!
Ouch.

Rules:
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a post of their own 15 weirdthings/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tag backs!!

My 15 weird things/habits/little known facts:

1. I used to collect shoe boxes.
2. I may order Neslo Ais all the time, but before that I actually started out with Nescafe before moving on to Milo.
3. I don't celebrate my big days but I celebrate others'.
4. I always spin my plate around to find the best angle for eating.
5. Driving out in the morning, I roll down the windows. They go back up once I reach the bus stop near my place.
6. I used to be very active in sports, and sadly enough my body still craves for it.
7. I am actually a very quiet person.
8. I love those glass trinkets and anything metallic in nature. All plain and transparent, feels so much like looking at myself.
9. I don't utter obscenities in front of girls.
10. I'm alone most of the time, even when I'm in a crowd.
11. I hate people with no backbones.
12. Despite my vicious and aggressive nature, I actually like cute little children. For breakfast.
13. I am very predictable but no one understands me.
14. I never break a promise because I take them very seriously. The reason you don't see me making a promise very often.
15. If you get in the same car with me and I turn on the radio, it either means I don't feel like talking or you are a very boring person.

Tagged victims:
Anyone who feels like doing this, cos I'm feeling generously shitty right now.